I won't be telling my daughter about Father Christmas?

Question

I'd like your opinion on this....I've seen kids break down after finding out Father Christmas isn't real and my question is this...why would we tell a lie to our children that will break their hearts when they discover it isn't true? We will teach her not to tell other children, but we will be teaching her that Father Christmas is not real. Surely they don't need to believe in him to have a good Christmas??

Answer 1

I applaud you on your decision.....this is the most refreshing statement I have seen here for a long time....if possible the midnight service is well worth going to and I'm not especially religious..your daughter is very lucky having such a forward, free thinking mum....hope you have a wonderful Christmas ! its so sad when everyone relates Christmas to presents, spending goes out of control and no-one has a grasp on reality...well done !

Answer 2

personally, i dont know of any children that took it all that bad. I know that I'm 20 years old and my parents never really sat me down and said "santa is real and he brings you presants" it was something that just happened but by the time i was about 6, i had a 2 year old brother and I knew without anyone telling me that Santa wasn't real. Even when i KNEW he wasnt real, i would just pretend and let my imagination run with it for those few hours on christmas eve. It adds something kind of magical to the whole christmas feeling and as a little kid, that's the most important. You know its probably not real but you don't wanna SAY you know because its kind of fun to live in the moment. Let her be a kid and dont think so much about it. Believe me, if you shelter her THAT much, she'll never really experience child hood. ;like i said, I'm 20 and santa still comes to bring me presants and to fill my stocking. I still believe ;) Don't kill the spirit. She'll be a tough cookie. Believe me, there's more important things to protect her from these days than the magical spirit of father christmas

Answer 3

That depends on how old your child is, and what state of maturity. The time to tell a child that Father Christmas isn't real is about the same time that the child realizes that, contrary to Dr. Seuss and others, cats don't talk, turtles don't fly, and fish don't sit at the table to eat.

When children are very young, they are not very able to discriminate between fact and fancy. As they get older -- usually around five -- they can tell the difference and learn to accept things like Pogo as fanciful but not as a lie. There is a difference. And this is the stage when they probably already guess for themselves that Santa and his elves fit into this category, along with the Easter Bunny.

Answer 4

I think that's a real shame. in this day and age there are very little fun good things left for kids. the news is all doom and gloom and we're all waiting for the next bomb and war! Father Christmas is a symbol of hope and love. Not everyone believes in the same god but would you teach our daughter that another god isn't real? kids are upset when they find out the truth yet many of them still go on with the pretence anyway! I do! I work with kids and the little ones love the thought of father Christmas coming and the older ones love seeing the kids excited. I totally respect your decision however. as parent you have to do what you believe is right for your daughter!

Answer 5

I don't believe most children's hearts are broken when they discover Father Christmas is not real. If that was the case, we wouldn't tell them it, would we? We love our children. All the excitement and enjoyment of believing in Father Christmas far outweighs a tiny twinge of disappointment when finding out he doesn't exist. Think back to your own childhood. And most kids find out when they are at the age to realise it, and it makes sense to them. They then don't waste it for younger children, as they understand the fun they had, believing. Any child who "breaks down" has been told in a nasty way or when they were too young to be told, likely by a little horror of a child who knows too much too soon!



Of course they can have a good Christmas without believing in Father Christmas but what will you say to your child when all her friends believe in him and go to see him at department stores etc, or he visits her school to give out gifts. Will you tell her he isnt real, whilst she can see all her friends believe? Will she then want to tell them? Do you think you would have been happier not believing? I think it will be more complicated to tell her he isn't real. Your call at the end of the day though, good luck. :)

Answer 6

A family I grew up with had 7 children, and told every one of them the truth from the beginning. It was kind of neat because they got to keep the focus of Christmas on Christ - they never had any problems. I feel like I'd just have a hard time doing it because of cousins, friends, all that - what if my kid told them? I'd feel bad - because I feel that it's up to the parent to decide if they want to do the "father Christmas" thing or not.

Answer 7

I told my oldest daughters when they were young the traditional story of Santa Claus when they found out it was not true they became very angry because i teach them not to lie but yet I lied to them. They began to question other things such as a higher power and ask why adults could lie but kids couldn't. It was then that I promised never to lie again to my children. I now have 5 wonderful girls and they all know the story is just a story and they know to respect other families wishes regarding their traditions and keep quiet...they still have a wonderful Christmas and they know now when mom and dad tell them something they can always count on it being the truth!

Answer 8

My daughter is now 7 and when she had suspicions about Santa I told her the truth.



I explained that its a lie that adults tell their children because it brings great excitement to Christmas. I did it to make her happy and it was fun! She accepted this and understood that my intention was not to hurt her! My son is 3 and he believes in Father Christmas!



We do lie! Everyone lies! I was not destroyed when I found out the tooth fairy was my mother! I was impressed by her kindness!



What will you do if your daughter tells you that she wished she had of been told Father Christmas came? What will you do if she chooses to lie to her children?



You need to do what you think is right but I am more concerned about my children's safety and education than to worry that Santa is an evil lie!

Answer 9

What the heck is "father christmas"?????

Tell your children that Christmas is the holiday when we celebrate the birth of the savior, Jesus Christ. We celebrate it by giving each other a gift to celebrate the day. Christ gave us all a gift by his birth on Earth, its called Salvation, and its called being forgiven of our sins - the greatest gifts of all.



Children love santa claus, of course. First of all, most parents wait until the child is at least old enough where they won't fall to pieces when told that Santa is just for fun. This differs from kid to kid, depending on their maturity level. You are concerned about breaking the little ones hearts, but you seem to be more concerned about your guilt, so much in fact that you ARE willing to break their little hearts to make YOU feel justified. Look, Santa Claus isn't real, so what? When they get older and understand, you tell them he IS REAL. The REAL santa claus is mommy, or dad, or both - hey, isn't that true?? Who brings their presents and puts them under the tree? You do, Santa!!!

But you concern me, because you mention this "father Christmas", but you do not mention Christ. Thats the first part of your word "CHRISTmas", friend. And THATS what its really about. If you want to do right by your children, you'll tell them the truth- the truth is that Christmas is about Jesus Christ. period.

Answer 10

I have 2 sons and neither of them believed in Father Christmas - I can't see why we should lie to our kids and then tell them off when they do it!



They still have a stocking and presents - they know they're from my husband and I!



Don't feel guilty or pressured by what your family and friends say - you do what YOU think is right for your children!

Answer 11

I am dreading my kids finding out the truth, my eldest is 9 and still believes. One of my friends has always told her children that the father christmas tale is just a lovely story. I have never liked lying to them but the grandparents are keen to give them the magic of it all, and sometimes it's hard to go against the grain.

Answer 12

There is absolutely nothing better than watching your kids come in the living room on Christmas morning, their faces lighting up, and looking to see what Santa brought them. If you tell them the truth, you are taking all the magic out of "today's non-religious" Christmas. I honestly think you will regret telling her the truth.



My son just figured it out this year, and it's not something that kids hold against you. If anything, they thank us as parents, for making it extra special. My son is not bitter, angry, hurt, etc.

Answer 13

I honestly think when children believe in Father Christmas, the whole thing for them is much more magical. All kids get to a stage where they realise that Santa isn't real. Let your daughter believe for a while. Life is full of stories of fantasy - many people thinking the Bible is one of them - so where is the harm?

Answer 14

I've wondered if it's right to tell kids about Santa too. I did tell my daughter when she was a child but I really don't want my granddaughter to be told a lie. I didn't think about it way back when but now I do wonder. I don't think it will spoil Christmas to have no Santa. You can always "pretend" there's a Santa and have your husband dress like him but let your child know it's just a Christmas game and Daddy's really Santa. That might be fun and she wouldn't feel left out when other children talk about Santa. Maybe that's wrong too...I don't know...it's a hard question.

Answer 15

Children believing in Father Christmas is one of the most wonderful things. Their belief in magic is so moving. Tell her about him and make it as fantastic as you can, the realisation that he may not be real will come gradually from her peers although (if shes anything like my 10 year old) she will keep the pretence going just to get more pressies.

Answer 16

I truely believe that Santa, the easter bunny, the tooth fairy, Peter Pan and Tinker Bell and so on are very special to children - its part of being a child, I remember my own awe, joy, mystery, expectations, anticipations....... and enjoyed them all over again when my children were little and look forward to doing it again with my grand children. You would not be lieing, you would be encouraging fantasy and make believe - is that bad? I really do not believe it hurt any child.....

We always had gifts under the tree before Christmas, then Santa brought one gift and filled the stockings. Santa still fills our stockings!! What fun!!! I can't wait.

Answer 17

Father Christmas IS real he exists in the hearts of everyone who believes in Christmas. If you don't what to lie to your daughter tell her the truth, that spirit of Father Christmas is alive and well, and that we use pictures to show that IE Santa. And it is because of that spirit that we give each other gifts.

Answer 18

Did you believe in Father Christmas when you were a child?...I bet you did because I've NEVER met a parent that was afraid of 'lying' to their child about him, and I bet your parents were no different.

I have a 13 yr old, 7 year old and a 3 yr old, I think my eldest was about 9 when we broke the news to him, he wasn't upset! I will ask him if he would have been upset to have been excluded from all the fun that surrounds the 'lie' when he gets home from school, I bet he wouldn;t have missed it for the world.

He keeps the 'lie' going with my youngest 2 kids....last year my daughter asked Father Christmas for a 'Magic Bag'...we bought a bag that had a spot for a photo in the front...we placed a photo of her and her little brother with Father Christmas in the sleeve and wrote a note from Father Christmas in there...every week she finds a little something in the bag from Father Christmas, she absolutely loves it!...AND she took it to school to show her friends who did not believe she had a 'Magic Bag'..and what do you know??? a little gift was inside when after she left it there overnight...no more disbelievers in her class!!!...( He usually magics the gift on a Monday so I had to sneek in to school and with the teachers help while they were on break)

ANYWAY please don't deprive yourself and your child of all the wonder of Father Christmas, be sure to teach her why we celebrate, you know, to get pressies...JOKE...The birth of Jesus...next you will be telling us that you will not allow her to enjoy the fruits of The Tooth Fairy

Answer 19

I believed in Santa & must not have been traumatised when told he didn't exist or I would have remembered.

My point is, millions of people survive unscathed when told that Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy etc are not real. I think you are being overly protective & depriving your child of years of enjoyment but for all the right reasons.

At the end of the day, only you can decide what is best for your child.

Answer 20

Sorry but theres nothing more magical than christmas for a child.

By the time they are old enough to find out the truth they are big enough to cope.

I even remember lying there chrismas eve with my sister listening for the slay.

My kids do the same now, leaving cookies and milk for him.

Whats so wrong with fantasy.

Answer 21

Christmas, the idea of it, any way, isn't about what you GET. that is all about what you provide. inspite of all the affection that she has been given by technique of her father, she has did not understand and study that actuality. All that she has been doing in her existence is GETTING that love and yet seems to not understood that she also has to furnish love decrease back. In so doing she has denied herself the most expensive component of all, self understand. it really is accessible to be penniless and nonetheless have your self understand. in basic terms seem in any respect the youngsters in places like Haiti. they have not something, yet they have their own self understand. they are able to love themselves and thereby, lover those round them. the very suitable present you are able to provide her is the present of her personal emotions of compassion. On Christmas morning, gown her up and your self too. Head into city and visit the position the homeless are being fed Christmas dinner and volunteer both your self AND her. enable her serve those very those who actual DO have decrease than her. enable her SEE them such as her own eyes and be conscious in basic terms how little many human beings quite have. Then even as your stint is over head abode yet take the route by the cruelest ghetto you'll locate. back enable her see what genuine deprivation quite is. Then once you get abode and easily then, go ahead and open your substances. i'm particular a clean feeling of appreciation for the failings that SHE has will sunrise interior her at present egocentric little head. and also you, my buddy could have given her the stunning present of all, her personal emotions of compassion for her fellow occupants of this dreary little planet referred to as Earth. Brightest advantages, Raji the golf eco-friendly Witch

Answer 22

You will rob you daughter of a very special experience.

The innocence of childhood.



Break her heart? No child has grown up without crying.

You do that soon as you are born, yes for a different reason.



You may protect her from this one case (Father Christmas).

Your daughter will then cry one day but for a different reason.



You are being overprotective.

She has rights too, of the same kind as other children.

Answer 23

Do what you feel is best for your child... You know you child best ,,,, but there was a st. nick, he deliver toys to children and it was in his memory where father Christmas came from... and your right he don't have to believe that there a Santa to have a good X-mas ,, it should be about the family and there special way to celebrate... I belive there is good people out there and to me thay are my Santas

Answer 24

It's up to you, however, other kids may think your child is weird or something because they don't know about Santa, AKA Father Christmas. I was taught that Santa was real, but I figured it out on my own as I got older.

Answer 25

Are you going to tell her The True Meaning of Christmas?

Answer 26

Never broke my heart when I found out it wasn't true. I guess when you are from a place like me that has problems you are used to disappointment. In fact, it makes you more prepared for life in my opinion.



Plus, how many kids will your beliefs be pressed upon when you tell your child there is no Santa, then every kid that mentions it in her class, day care, whatever will then be told that their parents lied to them. Not your problem right?

Answer 27

Father christmas puts the magic into christmas for many years of a childs life. For something that may upset them for a day or 2 wouldnt make any difference to me, Cj=hildren get upset over things all the time so one more thing is hardly going to scar them for life.

Its the same with magicians & entertainers, Would you deprive them of this delightful experience because they are only playing tricks & not being truthful.

Why take that magic away from a child.

Answer 28

i told my children about father Christmas but i never claimed him to be a man i told them he is the spirit of Christmas that he once lived and told them his story then explained that he doesn't give you gifts that he embodied the true giving spirit of Christmas i also explained the religious side of Christmas to them but they knew Santa was not real and didn't give gifts to them and they knew that Christmas was also to celebrate Christs birth

Answer 29

i agree with you....it just seems like a recipe for disaster. esp. if you are a single parent, like the first nail in the coffin of the trust in your relationship. there's no need to to lie to children for them to have a good time. Tell her the story of St. Nicholas instead, and explain how everyone likes to pretend and that's it's just for fun. (you wil also need to explain why she shouldn't share this information with her friends). i've never lied to my daughter about this but, at age 3, pre-school celebration, Santa on stage seeing the children one at a time. My daughter's turn: full volume 'you're Kerry's dad aren't you'!!! (i had not told her any thing but Santa is pretend). So be careful. it's all well and good having your own ideas about things but we also have to fit in with everyone else.

Answer 30

Unbelievable. Just like Father Christmas. I'm taking my children to Lapland to meet him. It's costing an absolute fortune but it's gonna be worth it. They've got years ahead of them for sceptisism - I want them to enjoy their childhood before reality bites.

Answer 31

tell her about st nick, he is who father xmas was based around. tell her father xmas is in heaven looking after the angles cos he got too old to deliver presents which is why parents across the world do it for him. and say "so i a way i am your own personal santa" :D

Answer 32

the magic is in the myth, kids work it out for themselves eventually, they dont need telling! our kids are 15,12 & 10 and we still say "see what father christmas brings you "if they ask for something- obviously they know by now but it keeps it fun! you dont want to be the grinch who killed christmas-chill out!

Answer 33

Agree with VIC on this one.You are only young once,so enjoy it while you can.I'm 57 and still take a torch to bed on Xmas eve hoping to surprise Santa.Will get him one day,trouble is i keep falling asleep.One day.

Answer 34

All children like to believe in something

Answer 35

Well my parents did not tell me about santa or anything.. I learned about santa from the Television and the Media. The media was who taught me who santa was. :) do what you think is best for your daughter.

Answer 36

You should tell your daughter about father Christmas.When you think she is old enough to handle the truth tell her.

Answer 37

You make some excellent points! I think it's a great idea. I don't know if I'd be able to do that myself. But if you are able then that's awesome!

Answer 38

Watch "Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus" it may just change your mind.



Also children can't keep secrets, yours WILL tell other children what you have told her.

Answer 39

theres never anything wrong in being truthful but your problem will be outside influance, because it is so great, your kids might feel a bit left out, and not enjoy as much but hey, truth is truth.

Answer 40

he actually was a real person if you want the article email me you should tell her the story but you dont have to tell her that he comes to your house you can just tell her that you are pretending to be him for one night

Answer 41

nice idea but what about all the other kids at school in a few years time that talk about santa, and the schools etc, if she is the only one not to believe in santa, she's gonna get bullied.

Answer 42

You make a good point, I think you are taking it a little far personally BUT parents who make sound decisions based on their childs well being make great parents.

Answer 43

Ah, its all part of the fun for children. when Santa comes to school it just won't be fun for her will it??????



Its part of childhood, it didn't do you any harm did it??

Answer 44

good on you.

give them the gift of truth and dont make them think mommys a liar

Answer 45

my parente never told me about santa when i was younger and i turned out fine.

Answer 46

scrooge, have a heart they grow up to quick ,when she is older she will cope with the truth..happy Christmas to your daughter not you love Santa..

Answer 47

I agree with you, but wait until they are past pensionable age.

Answer 48

keep the dream going as long as you can

Answer 49

well there was a st. nick who did deliver toys to children.. make sure you don't forget about that :)

Answer 50

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S NOT REAL!!! I'M NEARLY 32 AND I THOUGHT HE EXISTED!!! *SOB* NOW WHO'S GOING TO BRING ME MY PRESSIES THIS CHRISTMAS!!!

Answer 51

Tell her that Father Christmas come and gives good kids presents but if they're awake when he's there, he cuts off a finger.

Answer 52

do what you feel is best its good that you have honesty with your kid

Answer 53

Bah humbug to you madam