Should I cancel my plans with family to visit my bf's family on Christmas?

Question

My boyfriend and I live together, last year his family of (5) did their Christmas dinner and everything on X-mas eve. Little did I know that they did this so I can attend and expect me to be there christmas day this year. His family doesn't get along with me or their son (my bf).
My parents are divorced and I usually spend christmas morning with my mom (8 of us), then dinner with my dad (15ppl) Then evening 8pm on with extended family (50+) Now I don't mind seeing his family for a few hours in the afternoon but I don't want to spend the entire day there, but I know they're going to be offended. This is also my first year away at University so I havn't really seen much of my family to being with.
Additional - I'm having minor surgery on the 19th that will stop me from being able to eat anything not to mention I'm gonna feel like crap!

What should I do?

Answer 1

I would just talk it over with my boyfriend and tell him the truth, tell him how your really looking forward to being with your family that you miss them and that if he wants to go to his familys all day then that is fine but your only going for a few hours. And thats that....

Answer 2

You Should go to your Boyfriends parents for a few hrs that day and spend the rest with your family.It is all about compromise and working around every ones schedule.We usually Christmas with My Husbands family a week or 2 before Christmas and My Parents Christmas eve and then we spend Christmas Day together with our kids.

Answer 3

You aren't married so the answer is a little different than if you were. I think you need to let your boyfriend go to his family and you go to yours this year, have a special celebration for the two of you on Xmas eve. The simple fact is that they aren't your family now. They might not ever be. If you need an excuse, have your boyfriend tell them that you are still recovering from surgery and just want to be with your family while you convalesce.

Answer 4

If you are having surgery (good luck by the way) then you should do want you want. I think you should spend the entire day with his family. Tell them the truth that you can't eat much and that you mean no offense, because if you spend it with your family you'll be having to go here and there and you don't need to being straining yourself after surgery. Also it's always good to get in with the folks.

Answer 5

Spend time with YOUR family. If they don't like you already and don't get along with their son, why go there. You'd feel more comfortable at your family's anyway. I would use that as the excuse too why you can't go or spend the whole day. Tell them you can only drop by, or only spend a little time there and tell them you don't feel well. I don't think you should cancel your plans with YOUR family because of them. Let them feel offended, if they already don't like you and they don't get along with their own son then what does it matter if you spend time with them. I wouldn't!

Answer 6

Your family comes first. Tell him family that you appreciate the invitation but will only be able to come by for a few hours in the afternoon because you have your family traditions to tend too. Your boyfriend should maybe stay with his folks for Christmas evening.

Answer 7

be with your family and make them your priority . . . presuming everyone lives close by, make an appearance to your boyfriend's family party and leave it at that . . . if they don't get along with you, then expecting you to desert your whole family to be with them instead sounds like some weird power struggle. if you and your boyfriend need to not spend every second together on christmas so you can both be with your respective families, then that's ok, too. most of all, take care of yourself and if you have to, tell his family that because of your surgery, you're just going to stop in for a bit and head back to your parents' to lay low.

Answer 8

OK, here's a possible solution. Spend Christmas Eve with your boyfriend - just the two of you. Do a whole celebration, whatever is important to the two of you - go to mass, exchange gifts, have a big dinner, cuddle by the fire...you know, that kind of stuff. Then on Christmas day, you can go with him to stop by and say Merry Christmas to everyone (just to keep the peace), and he can stop by to say Merry Christmas to your family (either while picking you up or dropping you off). Then you each spend the rest of the time with your own family. I think that would cause the least amount of stress and make you and everyone else involved happy. Merry Christmas!!

Answer 9

Just bring up the fact that you have so many people you really wanted to spend time with this Christmas and how hard it is to coordinate it all, next time you see them. People just need to understand that we all try very hard to please everyone during the holidays. It's not easy. Do what you must and just don't cop an attitude about it. Be very nice and gentle about the way you say it, I'm sure they'll understand. Good luck!

Answer 10

Family should always come first. If I had a Bf, I would still spend Christmas with my family. No one else makes me feel happier. I love my family. They bless me daily. Not with gifts or buying me things, but just by being with me and caring for me. I can't think of anywhere I would rather be.

Answer 11

thank you for the smile you merely gave me. it is greater desirable than the comedian strip on television the place the son is in penal complex, the father is elderly and can't do his gardening any greater...father and son deliver letters to a minimum of one yet another on the subject of something 'buried' interior the backyard, understanding that all and sundry mail is examine and censored and so on and whats up presto! Police are around there like a shot and digging lol

Answer 12

Thanks for the smile you just gave me. That is higher than the sketch on tv where the son is in jail, the father is elderly and can't do his gardening any more...Father and son send letters to one another related to some thing 'buried' within the garden, understanding that all mail is learn and censored and so forth and hiya presto! Police are circular there like a shot and digging lol

Answer 13

Tell them you will be recovering from surgury, and you will try to see them for a few minutes, or a couple of hours, if they really do not get along with your b/f even though they are his family, they probably won't really care...That's this year..next year you'll have to fly a different way!

Answer 14

Wow! That is such a tough one. Does your BF know your situation? Maybe tell his family, or get him to tell his family that you haven't seen your family in the first place, for ages, so you really want to see them because family is important to you, this way, his family knows your situation, and maybe gets the impression you are family orientated (which is a good characteristic for a potential daughter-in-law!)

Answer 15

do not cancel plans with your family. tell the truth about the surgery and they should understand. if his family doesn't like either one of you very much, a short visit in the afternoon would be fine. take a nice hostess gift - bottle of wine or liqueur, a box of candy, or a dessert, etc.

Answer 16

Just don't go. They may be offended, but you're an adult and sometimes you're going to offend people. They'll be ok. Don't make it too deep. If you really care about getting to know them, try visiting any other day, there are 364 more.

Answer 17

Unless you are married to him, there is no reason to go to his family's house. Esp. if they don't like you two to begin with, so does it matter if they are offended?



Your family is more important right now. Save the drama for when you are married or engaged.

Answer 18

You should always put your own family first. Bf's come and go, but family is forever. Besides if you don't get along with his very well, then don't be somewhere that will be miserable when it should be festive and cheery.

Answer 19

You have to rotate one into Christams eve each year. My boyfriend and I have to do the same his family gets christams eve one year than mine the next

Answer 20

Go see them, give them a little Christmas Spirit! X3

Answer 21

id go with your family and just stop and visit his side of the family a little later ..best of luck =]

Answer 22

Since you said his family doesnt get along with you or their son, should answer your own question.

Answer 23

you live with your boyfriend, work out the times and plans with him, his family and your family. relationships are meant to decide and compromise together.

Answer 24

i would chill out since u are having surgery. but if u were not i would go see the boufriends family if we were serious.

Answer 25

have x-mas with your family early then go your to boyfriends on x-mas who cares what day you celibrate x-mas on as long as you are with family. be blessed

Answer 26

Just keep your plans as they are. When you become engaged or married you can take turns visiting each other.

Answer 27

I think you should make an appearance, but not stay for long.

Answer 28

maybe u can do both combine it or be with your family and nextyear his take turns

Answer 29

stay home and rest (good luck on your surgery

Answer 30

no but go next year or Easter

Answer 31

I think you should just stay home

Answer 32

Go to your parents.......

Answer 33

No! How dare you!!!!!!