How do I stop my relatives coming for Xmas?

Question

I am a happy man. But I own't be happy if my irritating relatives come for Xmas. They have already told me they intend to, and I have told them I would rather swim in sewage. They don't believe me. They are intolerable. My aunt stinks of stale butter and my uncle harps on about gardening and hats. My mother eats in a strange way and my nephew is some sort of goth.
How can I tell them not to come and bother me, in a way that will still get me presents?

Answer 1

When I first read through the answers, my reaction was one of shock and dismay. Then I remembered the generation you are from. Selfish, self-centered, all about me generation.



Suck it in. You probably have some weird quirks, too. They put up with you, don't they?



Christmas is about loving and giving. Is it going to hurt you to listen to another gardening story? Sit your uncle in front of the TV and turn on HGTV. Sit your aunt down wind of you. What difference does it make if your nephew is goth? Those are some of the more intelligent teenagers. You might be surprised at how wide his interests are.



Your mother probably "eats in a strange way" because when she was raising you, she didn't have time to eat. She grabbed a bite here and there while attending to your demands. And something tells me you were a very demanding child.



Enjoy the holiday and be thankful you have relatives who want to share it with you. Some of us aren't that fortunate.

Answer 2

Your preparation must start the night before. Go to Boots or Superdrug and buy some face powder in a shade that is obviuosly far too pale for you. Stay up all night to get the tired bleary eyed look. Smoke all night (even if you don't) non stop so you get a bit of a raspy voice.



When you get up on Christmas morning, put on the face powder, get loads of tissues, scrunch them up and scatter them round the house, cover your entire body in Vicks and wrap yourself up in a duvet. When they come calling, invite them in, make them tea and a Lemsip for yourself, cough and sniff loudly as often as you can and hopefully they'll feel so guilty that they'll **** off, leaving you to open your presents in peace!

Answer 3

Tell them you are going away for a Christmas break and then don't answer the door or the phone over xmas, just say you will phone them from your hotel to wish them happy xmas on the day!

Answer 4

You know what, you suck, you know, when someone (particularly you're relatives) sees what you typed, they'll be offended! It's Christmas, you want them gone, kiss goodbye to you're presents!! You need to come with a good conscience if you want to have a memorable christmas, you should get used to them o tell them how you feel! You're insensitive if you want to avoid christmas because of some bad things about people ... you know, you have negative sides too, saying bad things about your own blood is NEGATIVE , NOBODY IS PERFECT ... don't ruin their Christmas, I'm the one telling you, once their gone, you're gonna miss them no matter what!

Answer 5

Let them come and enjoy it...everyone bothers someone in someway Im sure you do something that irritates them...enjoy the company of them while you still can, one day when some or all are gone you will wish you could just be offended by them one more time

Answer 6

My husband has managed to avoid his relatives for years at Christmas by telling them he is spending the festive holiday in Ireland with some friends that live there. Or Scotland. Or France.

suggest you meet up for ONE day before or after Christmas, say how sorry you are to be 'pre-booked' by your friends and hope that you can do the family thing, briefly before you go.

Hope this works, it has for my husband

Answer 7

Go out. Leave the house before they arrive or just pretend not to be there and ignore it when they come to the door. Won't they be surprised. Oh, most important, screen all of your phone calls that day. Good luck and have fun ditching your relatives. ;)

Answer 8

Give up the presents or have them come. NO having your cake and eating it too. Sorry!



What do you want more the presents or them not coming?? Decide. if want to give up the presents tell them sorry I have to go out of town and won't be home. Or deal with them.

Answer 9

I'm not crazy about my family either but the holidays is the one time I put my feelings aside and enjoy their company. You seem so critical that it's surprising to me that anyone would want to be around you. You should be thankful that your family doesn't feel the same way because you've got your share of annoying flaws like the rest of us.

Answer 10

Go on a long vacation during the Christmas holidays

Answer 11

Become a born-again Christian and have a Christian Christmas. Invite the homeless round and ask your relatives to come round and help you feed the homeless and drug addicts, go with you to every church service and leave the TV off and spend the rest of the day in prayer.



That'll get rid of them!

Answer 12

You sound more like the Grinch than a happy man (maybe little boy would be a better description). Suck it up and try to find good things about your family...it's Christmas man!!

Answer 13

Tell them you believe in Xmas of youth.Presents delivered from

Santa via post.That after post stops your door is locked to all for

matters concerning your stash of illegal booze and drugs.Although that may encourage your gardening uncle to come.If they ignore that.Tell them to piss off.If you don't get presents,you don't buy them.Swings and roundabouts.

Answer 14

An! Ah! Welcome to the family Christmas! That's why people say 'Happy Christmas', they really mean, 'Hope you manage to get through it OK!' The only way to avoid the torture is to pack your bags and fly away for the festive season. Happy Christmas!

Answer 15

tell them that you are going to be around for a little bit on the day they are arriving. but have to go spend time with your new girlfriend shopping for her family or something. its worked for me. i know how the holiday relatives are. if that wont work try the "i have to go on a business trip. good luck.

Answer 16

Get arrested - get yourself a few months sentance and spend a nice quiet xmas inside with free dinner and no washing up.

Answer 17

Make other plans - and DONT be home. Or lock the doors, turn out all the lights, and stay in bed all day!

Answer 18

Wait till they arrive at the front door, then gun them down in cold blood.



You'll then have the opportunity to collect the presents they've brought - although they may be slightly icky.



Happy Christmas x

Answer 19

Lock the doors, turn the lights out and close the curtains.

Answer 20

either fake an illness or tell them you've won a holiday contest that must be taken over Christmas

Answer 21

tell them you are ill, with flu or a chest infection, or even, that you wont be in coz you are helping out in the town doing the dinners for the homeless!!!

Answer 22

it wouldnt be Christmas without irritating relatives. I say suck it up and deal with it. there is at least one in every family.

Answer 23

you have to go out of town or at least tell them u r

Answer 24

Kill them in their beds on Christmas Eve and take the presents.

Answer 25

Leave the country for the period. MERRY CHRISTMAS ,friend.

Answer 26

Don't answer the door

Answer 27

make it seem like its there idea not to come this year, some how not to sure though,

Answer 28

Move house - but don't tell them!

Answer 29

superb! it sounds like it would be pretty fun to me! Laughing at all those wierdos!! Can i come?

Answer 30

Well I'm not coming now... Your aunt, Flora. ;~)

Answer 31

dont tell any thing .... just went out on that day

Answer 32

burn your house down

Answer 33

tell them you are poorly?